Semi-live blogging the DVR of MasterChef Episode 3:
The episode started out with the first challenge, where each person had to chop a couple of onions from an unnecessarily large (12,000 pounds!) pile of onions for an arbitrary amount of time. As the judges explain, “if you can’t chop an onion, how can you expect to put food on a plate?” Because, you know, onions is food too. JoAnn Cianciulli, the ‘culinary producer’ for MasterChef, describes in her blog how this was very hard to pull off:
Now, you can’t just walk into a grocery store and purchase 12,000 pounds of onions and 50 cases of eggs. Weeks in advance, I was on the quest to procure these items in massive volume … My amazing production assistant, Scott, drove to the farm and did the heavy lifting, filling our dump truck with sacks and sacks of onions. The problem was, legally, the truck could not be piled over the rim with cargo while in motion, so some adjustments needed to be made. There was super Scott, filling up his Kia Spectra until his car was so weighted down, it hugged the pavement like a low-rider!
After the sea of onions is sprawled before them, the contestants are told the challenge by the judges. … After a bathroom break, all hopefuls get in line … I’ve got to say, I’ve never before filled a flatbed with onions or stacked a forklift full of eggs (who has?), but the accomplishment was enormously fun, pun intended.
Fucking mission to Mars, this show! I’m sure markets everywhere will sleep easy tonight when they realize that Super Scott discovered the secret to transporting massive amounts of produce is to fill up your Kia Spectra.
Next, the 30 remaining contestants make a dish with ONE SINGLE EGG each from a comically large pile of eggs! 
Wait, what? I mean, I know I’m probably better at math than most people, but I can’t have been the only one to realize that this is a retardedly excessive amount of eggs for what they actually need to do the contest. Also, why is that weird empty crate in front of Gordon Ramsay’s shoes? Mysteries!
So, the contestants proceed to rub some of the ingredients all over their faces and then some babies cook some pretty disgusting looking egg foods (see photo slide). In the end, the judges send each contestant through a few moments of emotional turmoil while they tell them that they’re “not definitely going not away so they can not not take off their apron and stay in the contest!”
Will I continue to keep watching this show? Yes! How not could I not give up on the American Idol of teevee cooking?!
